I've been watching entirely too much daytime TV. A couple of my favorites are Nate Berkus and Ellen in the afternoon. Last week there was a woman on Nate who had dug herself out of something like $24,000 debt in 16 months. Her motto was "if it's not critical to my survival, I'm not buying it". That has really stuck with me the past few days. While I'm not in debt, I'm currently living on a very restricted income, and if I don't find a job by the time my unemployment compensation runs out, we will be in trouble. So I've decided to adopt this motto! When I took my little solo vacation a few weeks ago, I went on a major spending spree. That should last me for awhile.
One of my favorite fun activities is taking pictures. Lucky for me, pixels are free! When digital photography started becoming so popular, I swore I'd never switch from film. Needless to say....... Today, I went down to Antietam Battlefield to take some pictures. It was a beautiful day, and a good day to be outdoors and do some serious thinking. It's hard to imagine, on a beautiful day like today, that this was the setting of the single bloodiest day in American history, with over 23,000 casualties in a single day during the American Civil War. Thinking of the battle helps put things in perspective in my life. I often feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.
The reality is, I'm only battling myself. I wonder if I'll ever really believe that, because that's the only way I'll ever be able to win. If I feel trapped, it's really internal. There are no stone walls holding me back from what I want to do. It's all mental.
I need to start being kinder to myself. And if some one's mean to me, I'm not going to tolerate it any more. Life is too short.
Being in nature and taking pictures is critical to my soul, therefore to my survival. There will be more little escapes like today. There was a potential high cost to today's walk, because I lost my eyeglasses! I retraced my steps without any luck. I returned to my car to make sure I hadn't left them in my purse. Then I retraced my steps again. The man and woman who were helping me search thought it was really strange that I found them in deep grass because I recognized a weed that I had photographed earlier. I remembered changing the lens on my camera, and the glasses must have fallen when I bent to pull the lens from my bag. Thank you weed.
It felt good to be outside today, and I'm counting my blessings......Sunny